unfamiliar emotions

Sad is not an emotion that I am very familiar with. I have had a few encounters with him, but usually he is just passing through. We have never really spent a ton of time together. Now angry, he and I are are better friends. Angry doesn’t stick around very long either. I usually kick him to the curb before he takes up permanent residence, but since we spend more time together than sad and I do, I am prepared when he creeps up. I know how to deal with that and work through that moment.

Today, sad has chosen to visit. I don’t really know what to do with sad. Angry usually responds well to a dramatic and sometimes elevated monologue of what is inviting angry in and what I am going to do (which is usually a bunch of talk with absolutely no chance of action) about it. Sad though, I don’t really want to talk about him. I don’t really see how dramatic fits with sad and crying just invites angry, so that doesn’t feel like an option. So… what do I do with sad? Do I entertain him? Eeek that sounds like a bad idea. He may stick around. I can’t yell at sad because then angry will arrive and really I can’t do angry and sad at the same time right now. I guess I will just eat my cinnamon gummy bears and wait it out. Maybe even go to sleep if I ever find motivation and get my kids lunch made.

Kids lunches… ugh… sad is even more apparent now. I really really really do not want to be doing life along tonight. I know that I am on the quest to find a husband because I want to do life with someone. I know that is what I want and normally it is a healthy desire. Tonight however it is just a sad desire. I am so tired of having bad days and not having anyone to come home to. I don’t even want to come home and complain about my day. I just want to come home and hear about my persons day. Today, I just want to be close to someone. Not just anyone, because I have lots of anyone’s in my life. Tonight I just wish that this process was over and that I had met my happily ever after and that I was blogging about how much I love my husband and how great it is to come home every day and know that if he isn’t there when I walk through the door, he will be there at some point. I want to be blogging about how incredible it is to wake up and start my day next to my husband and how grateful I am to have him in my life. Yep, tonight I am sad. Tonight I want to crawl into bed and go to sleep. Thank goodness tomorrow is a different day and with it will be new emotions. Tomorrow sad will have packed his bags and made his exit because he knows that he is not welcome here.

OH RIGHT!!! Tomorrow sad is definitely not invited. He will NOT be present because I get to go out with nameless tomorrow night *** I really need to come up with a name for him. It needs to be something great*** Tomorrow will be a good day. Sad will have made his exit and life will resume!

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