So, I started to blog earlier about my absolute annoyance with myself and the one true defect that I have. As much as I really want to share life with someone and want to enter that next chapter of my life, I am so afraid of making a mistake or having an ADD moment that will cause me to stray from Jesus and get wrapped up in the wrong one or ones for the wrong reason. I am comfortable enjoying another person because then I am in control of my feelings and I don’t have to risk getting hurt. When someone else begins to show affection or interest in a healthy and positive way I start to freak out and think what if I hurt them or what if I let my guard down and allow myself to get comfortable with them and then they decide that I’m not so cool after all? It’s silly to think I could enter this quest and never get hurt or hurt anyone else. I mean it would be awesome if it turned out that I just met mr. Right and all feelings were spared, but….
Anyway, so after my day of psyching myself out and trying to convince myself that I should seek out a matchmaker who arranges marriages, I chose to grab my kids and head over to the park where nameless is playing softball. Being here brought me back to the original reason that I began this journey. I want to end my day and begin my days with someone. Who knows if this is the someone. It is okay if isn’t and if it is that is incredibly awesome For now it is a great to leave work and have someone to go and enjoy parts of life with. This is ultimately what I want. A life with someone.