Wow, it has been 3 days since I posted. It has been a crazy 3 days too. Friday night was such a perfect night. It was simple, laid back and fun. Talking, laughing, quiet moments. It was everything that I wanted and needed, but even better than that it was exactly what I would want to do if I was married and had a Friday night without kids.
Saturday was filled with errands, chores and a super fabulous massage! In fact it was the best massage I have ever had!! 80 minutes of pure painful bliss. Elements Massage gets major props and has a customer for life as long as they stay amazing! I have to thank Hollywood for the referral. Anyways, let’s get back on topic. After life on Saturday I picked up my kids and chose to go and watch Nameless (he really needs a name) play softball. Again, it was another “this is the way I want life” moment. I just love being out there. I love watching my kids play as much as I enjoy watching the softball game. It is perfect. I have often times imagined my family would be that way. I have always found such joy and comfort in watching my dad play ball and I would like to one day watch my husband play whatever sport he is into.
Sunday nameless left the country on business. I really didn’t think much about it. He will be gone for two weeks. About the same amount of time we have been seeing each other I think. It couldn’t be too bad right? Um… NO!!! I actually am sad that he is not here. I like seeing him. I really find myself enjoying him. Actually, I really haven’t found myself looking at anyone else, wanting to see anyone else, wanting to go out with anyone else and I haven’t checked the dating site that I am on. Those who have known me for a while know that the boyfriend thing isn’t really my style. I think I have blogged about that before. I don’t really do that. I like to keep my options open in case something of interest comes along. I would not want to miss an opportunity if I was spending my time with someone who is not my forever. The thing is, I really don’t want to see anyone else. I am not ready to put a label on this yet. I could, but I am not sure that I am ready to do that. It hasn’t been long enough to close the door of opportunity yet, but it is sure tempting to do so. Things are so great and comfortable. That is incredibly appealing to me. I guess when and if it is right, I will know and until that time, I will enjoy the comfortable moments, not put any expectations on this and keep the option open that there could be someone else of interest who could possibly come my way and if not…. Only time will tell.
So… last Sunday, the sermon at church was geared towards men since it was Father’s day. Our pastor spoke about honoring masculinity. I thought the sermon was incredible on many different levels, but it spoke to me. It spoke to me because since my divorce, I have really tried to discover what I could have done differently as a wife. How could I have been better? No matter what I did, I don’t believe my marriage would have lasted, so it hasn’t been about that. It has just been something I have needed to do because I do want to get married again, but I want it to be right. I don’t want to marry the wrong man and I don’t want to be anything less than an amazing wife. I want to love an support my husband and I want to celebrate him for being a man. Knowing this, I am all ears anytime I hear a man speak about the needs of a man.
Okay, so honoring masculinity… The definitions that our pastor gave were great. He spoke about men being called to be men, to be courageous and brave. To be masculine. That doesn’t mean a macho, self absorbed, chauvinistic, jerk which a lot of times we think of those things when we see a “masculine” man. Men are created to be cultivators, they are created for war, and called to be teachers. I like that. I thought that was pretty cool to hear. Men are to be protectors and truthfully I want to feel protected. I often have said that I want to be little next to a man. It isn’t necessarily that I want to be with an amazon man, but I want to feel little like if something were to happen, my man could take care of it. I want to know that I am with a man who is going to lead and serve and live a life that is an example for our kids. I want a man that I can look up to and admire for his inner beauty and desire to be a powerful man of God. A man who see’s serving the Lord and teaching others about Jesus as a beautiful opportunity not to be missed. I want to be encouraged and supported in my walk with the Lord by the person that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I want God’s best for my life and the life of my children and my family. I want a man who values that desire and strives to live every day to the best of his abilities seeking other men of God to help strengthen and encourage him as a man. I want a man who, although he is all man, can be weak and vulnerable in the comfort of our relationship.
I know that man is out there. I may have already met him and I may not have, but either way… He is out there. God is grooming us both for an incredible life of serving!