I really am blessed in so many ways. I am thankful for the amazing friends that I have and for just how faithful and amazing God is. I really don’t deserve it. I am a sinner. I am selfish. I don’t place the value on God that I should. I really want him to be the center of my life, but so often I find other things to stand in the way. It is beautiful how when I place things in front of God he takes them away in order to give me time to refocus. I find growth and maturity in myself to realize that God takes these things away because He loves me and I am not angry about it. Instead I am at peace and find a way to be still. At this moment in my day, I should be stressed out. I should be panicking and freaking out. I should not be enjoying each moment of these last couple of days because really the future is so uncertain.
Earlier this week I found myself among the unemployed leaving me without insurance and a whole slew of medical issues between myself and my youngest and yet it is not something that I feel anxious about. I should be though. I am am very much looking for my forever person. That is what I want with my life, but how is it that I can expect to find that person when I myself am not stable. Not only that, but I have a family to support. How does one support a family without income? The thing is, I am not worried about it. I serve a God that is bigger than what life can throw at me. I have been feeling things in my life get stirred up for a while. I have known that great things are going to happen. God is grooming me and I am going to enjoy the ride. I am going to take the opportunity to soak up some majestic God moments. I am going to bask in His glory and let him love on me. I am going to trust and believe that His plan is just waiting to blow me away. I am a mom. I was created to be a wife and a mom. I was created to serve. I was not created to climb the corporate ladder and to spend every moment of every day stressing about work. I should be working for the kingdom and I am excited to do so.
I feel blessed to have the opportunities that I have had and to have a full life. I really lack for nothing. All of my basic needs are met and that is really all that matters. The only thing that I could think of to ask for in my life would be to have that life partner, but honestly… even without that person, my life is wonderful and full of joy.
I am on this quest to find my husband and thant isn’t going to change. How long this quest will be is yet to be seen, but I feel like I am not going to be searching for very long. Only God knows for sure and I am so excited to watch how things unfold.