My Freak Out Moment…

… Really, I had to do it! I really couldn’t seem to control it. I guess now is as good of time as any. It would happen eventually. I am dramatic, make no mistake about that. I couldn’t even pretend I wasn’t if I tried. I am funny dramatic and not make trouble dramatic, but I can be a little overboard.

So, Nameless and I had a little moment. It wasn’t a fight, but there was some tension maybe. I am not really sure what to call it necessarily, but there was a slight bump in our seemingly smooth road. Fortunately he is amazing and we are working through it. It is good that we get to go through this too, because it is another side to see and an opportunity to see how we handle things when it isn’t all coffee and kisses. The other blessing in all of this is that it is making each one of us throw ourselves more into God to seek Him and His desires in all of this.

During this time though, I had a moment. Now these moments aren’t foreign to me. I feel them on occasion and as long as there isn’t anyone in my path, they usually go unnoticed. Nameless however, chose to call me this morning after I sent a text. If he had known me longer than he has, he would have looked at the text and thought that he would give me time, but I can’t blame the man for trying. I had sent a text that said that I was overwhelmed and had so much to do and that I never have time to do it and having someone in my life makes that harder because I have even less time than I had before. He called to see if I was okay and to get clarification on what I said. I think that is why he called anyway. I never gave him a chance to say. He said how are you and that was all I needed. I went ahead and rambled on about how messy my house was and how my washing machine doesn’t work so I can’t do laundry and I don’t have time to go to a laundry mat because I am too busy doing other things and when I am not doing those other things I am spending time with him. Then he said that he would go with me to do laundry. I spout off with you don’t get it, I do homework when I am there. It isn’t like I just sit there and don’t do anything. Really, I was just being bitter. My morning was rough, the past couple of days haven’t been all love tank filling because there has been that “thing” whatever that is between us.

For so long before my morning where I woke up and just felt this overwhelming sense of it is time to find my husband, I have said that I didn’t want to have anyone in my life because it takes up too much time. I am always busy. I always have a full schedule and I have seldom met a man who was willing to or okay with me having time away from them. The only one who was okay with that was “original” and that is because he is messy in the head which creates him to be emotionally unavailable, so when he is feeling like him I would hear from him and when he is feeling emotionally unavailable (which is like 98% of the time) I wouldn’t hear from him at all. I thought for a long time that was what I needed and wanted. A man who was around like 2% of the time. This time, I want to spend time with Nameless, but I am having a hard time juggling all of the balls. When I am with him, then I am not doing other things. When I have time then I need to spend that time on school (I currently am maintaining a 98%, so I would say I am a bit of a rock star). Not having a washing machine that works currently means that I have to not only plan to do laundry but spend the time there and then I should come home and put it away, but that is usually something I don’t have time for so it goes on the floor in the basket, but throughout the week, the clothes seem to jump out of the basket and commingle with their dirty friends and then it is an overwhelming mess. That combined with the fact that I absolutely hate to clean. Cleaning is from the devil I am sure of it. There is nothing about it that feels good and the final product doesn’t even feel good because you get it done knowing that in less than 24 hours someone is going to come and mess it up, so I really prefer to pay someone to take care of this stuff for me.

So..after my very me day, I am blessed to say that Nameless isn’t running as fast as he can. He came over and fixed my washing machine today (he is amazing) and has been sending sweet texts and making sure I know that he is not going anywhere and that my mental instability (I am kidding and those are my words not his) is not something that will make him run. All of this is good, because if I wasn’t such a chicken when it comes to emotions and so careful, I may be inclined to say that I am falling for this man. Not because of what he does, but because of who he is. It hasn’t been long enough to know if this is for real. I guess if he is a fraud (which I don’t think he is) then he would still be able to hide his spots a little longer. I am going to hold out before I go around professing my undying love, but I will say that I think it is possible that I have been blessed enough to find the man who loves me through all of my imperfections and he may have found the woman who will love him through his in such a short amount of time. I give full credit to God and that very interesting book “Getting to I Do”. I changed the way that I was doing things and within 30 days, I had met an amazing man who may just be the last one I ever write about in this blog or any other for that matter.

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