As I watch Felicity, the final words on the episode I watched was “It could be anyone” … That is SO true! It could be. I may have passed anyone a million times on the freeway, or maybe walking in grocery store or along the streets of the out door mall. Maybe anyone has been on one of my flights or has been in the doctors office the same time as I have. Maybe we attended the same church or maybe our paths have not yet crossed, whatever the scenario, it could be ANYONE!
That is kind of exciting. Who knows when anyone will surface? Will I know right away, or is anyone a part of my life right now? Maybe one day the light will go on and I will think “how could I have missed that?”. However it turns out, it will be perfect because it will be right and it will be the beginning of the rest of my life.
This afternoon I was talking with some friends and we were talking about dating – or not dating – and laughing about the way we imagine things will go when “the one” walks into our lives. I have always imagined that it would be incredibly cool to be sitting in church when THE man walks in. As he scans the room, his eyes stop at mine. I want to break the stare but I can’t. All of a sudden it feels as if there is nothing else in the room and there is light shining all around. Music begins to play and loud and clear God speaks and says “This is your husband” and then reality comes back, I get a little uncomfortable wondering if anyone else noticed or heard the voice. I look away and he sits down somewhere in the church… After that I am not really sure what happens. Some human confirmation of some sort like someone makes a point of introducing us and then we decide to go to lunch with a bunch of people and the courting begins?
That of course is MY dream. I don’t know if that is Gods dream, but WOW! Would that be an awesome story? I think it would. Remembering that dream I began to wonder, did I choose the right way to go about my quest for a husband. Yes, I am certain that God laid on my heart that it is time to prepare, but I got so caught up in the search that I forgot to ask Him what He wanted me to do. Maybe I am not supposed to be dating yet. In fact, I know that I am not supposed to be dating yet. I think God has been trying to tell me that for a couple of weeks now. I didn’t know that was the message, but I am a little thick headed sometimes and it takes something big for me to get it. It has been a series of events that has brought me to this point. I have been feeling anxious and just not right about some things, but I couldn’t figure it out. I kept praying and asking God to reveal what it was, but I wasn’t really listening. I kept challenging it telling myself that I was just being ridiculous and that I needed to stop. I wasn’t being ridiculous. Nameless is awesome. He is a genuine, kind, giving man. I am just not where God wants me to be yet and who knows, maybe he isn’t where God wants him. Right now, I am going to obey. I am going to be still and I am going to choose to listen to God. I am going to press into Him, ask the questions and be patient. I am confident that God was telling me that I need to allow Him to prepare me for marriage. Not that I need to begin opening doors to see if the prize is behind it.
I am only human. I dream. I want happily ever after. I want to find the single male version of my best friend. I want to know with complete certainty that the person that I am with is God’s best for me and that when there are hiccups we will have such a strong foundation in God that we will work through it. I want someone that my kids can look up to and know that they want to grow to be strong in the Lord too. I want someone to help lighten the load so that I don’t feel like I am having to do everything alone. I want someone who when I am feeling weak in my faith he can give me a swift kick in the rear and remind me of all of the things that are true and I want to be that for someone else. I want to be with a man that gets so lost in the Lord that he forgets that I am there. I want a man who will love me in spite of my flaws. I want someone who will find my quirks charming and laugh with me over them. I want a strong confident man who sees me as someone who enhances his life, but does not make me his life. I want a man who values me as a woman and appreciates my strength but does not see my strength as a threat. I may be strong, but I am a woman and I do value and appreciate a man. I do need that partner. I want a man who applauds my independence, but gently shows me that I don’t need to be any longer. I want someone whom I can trust and someone trusts me. I want someone who gets my humor and knows when to be sympathetic even though most of the time I appreciate and respond best to a sarcastic or short response. I don’t want gushy. I am not gushy. I don’t know how to do gushy. Gushy makes me completely uncomfortable. I don’t know how to respond to gushy and I am totally comfortable with that, SO… bring me a man who does not gush. 🙂
I guess I want a lot, but like I said in the last post, I have put in my order. I am not sure how long this man has to marinade or how long I have to, but I know that the cook has my best interest in mind. My husband to be is being made exactly the way that he needs to be for me and I have no doubt that God is readjusting the recipe for me. He is still working and tonight… I am good with that. I am actually a little humbled knowing that I ran right out of the gate looking for my man instead of keeping a steady pace. My eyes are on the prize and God will let me know when He has delivered it.