I love my kids and I love my life. I am constantly on the go and I seldom have down time, but when I do… Oh how it feels good. I love sitting in the room with my kids listening to them sleep. I value the sound of silence and I enjoy the moments where the phone is off and the house is still. It is refreshing. It is beautiful to sit and wait for the voice of God. Sometimes I want to get up and draw a bath or I think that there are things that I need to do and then… I don’t. I just sit and wait. It is glorious.
I am still a little dizzy with joy from last night. It was the first time that my single moms group met since before the holidays. Oh how I missed those women. I guess that missing them isn’t really fair since I have seen them a lot, but I have missed them in that format. I enjoy the fellowship and I enjoy learning more about God with them. Last night our pastor spoke to us and he talked about praise and how praising God can be intoxicating. IT IS!!! I tend to have a roller coaster of emotion. I am really up and happy and joyful. I can take on the world and nothing can get me down. I am super motivated and on top of so much and then I crash. I don’t get depressed, but I certainly get in a funk. Generally, it is those times that I am less in step with God. I am not spending time talking to Him and praising Him. It is a noticeable change and it is not enjoyable. I want that to change. Last nights talk shed some light and gave me a high that can be replicated daily if I choose to allow that.
Some things that resonated so loud with me last night were that God cannot ever be mad at me or be frustrated with me. How awesome is that! He cannot get mad because that would mean that He had an expectation of me that I did not fulfill. He is all knowing. He knew exactly what I was going to do before I did it and Jesus already shouldered the weight of my sin so therefore I cannot frustrate God because He did not expect something different of me. That was so freeing for me and so powerful to hear and kind of challenging to comprehend. So often I find myself feeling like such a failure. I have disappointed God again. Something that I know better than to do and something that I know will end with pain and I still find myself doing it. Then I get bitter with myself and think “ugh! Here I go again! How will God EVER trust me with anything bigger and how will He ever use me because I am such a screw up!” That is so far from the truth though. All I have to do is repent. “Jesus, I am SO sorry. I knew better and I was unable to resist the temptation. Please forgive me! Give me the strength to say no in the future and the wisdom to not put myself in a tempting situation. I want your will for my life” and it is done and over with. I don’t have to mope around or beat myself up over it. Guess what is even more powerful and even more amazing! God’s love is unconditional. I have heard that my entire life. It is all over the bible. I mean anyone who is a Christian and probably those who aren’t have heard that, but I have never stopped to understand the significance of that. His love is UNCONDITIONAL! No matter how many good deeds I do or how many times I falter, He loves me. No strings attached. He loves me with a love that I will never fully comprehend! Actually meditating on that truth and taking a moment to let that sink in is incredible! How can I not be intoxicated with His love at that moment? How is it possible to not walk around a little lighter and completely filled with joy after being reminded of the truth of His love?
I am loved. I am accepted. I am a daughter of the King. I am royalty. I am a sinner by nature and perfect through Jesus. I am forgiven. Jesus lived the life I should have lived and died the death I should have died. I am valuable. I am significant. I am a world changer. I am empowered through Him. I have a great calling on my life. I can move mountains with the faith of a mustard seed. If I believe just a little bit He can work through me. I am healed. I am saved. I am a vessel. I am His daughter and He is proud of me. I am beautiful. I am His.
I am so excited to see Him work. Lives will be changed. People will confess their sin and turn from their evil ways. Jesus saves and I am ready to be used in mighty ways for His glory!