I have said for a while now that one of my favorite quotes is “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”. I said that to someone the other day and he responded by sending me a poem he had written. As I read the poem, I began to really think about that quote and question what I really like about it. When I say that, what kind of love am I thinking about? The heartbreaking kind that I have experienced or the heartbreaking kind my mom has experienced?
When asked if I have ever been in love, two people come to mind. Unfotunately neither one of them is my ex-husband. I loved him, but not with the passionate love of these two other men. The first one we will refer to as the soldier. I met him when I was 19 or 20 and we were off and on for a couple of years if I remember correctly. I was head over heels for him, but it just never worked. In fact at the end the soldier didn’t want me to move from California to Arizona. He asked me to marry him, but he couldn’t seem to ask me sober. I will never forget the last night that I saw him. He knocked on the door and when I opened it, he was very obviously intoxicated. He told me not to leave and to marry him. I told him to sober up and ask me again. He left (kind of) and came back. He was still drunk. He told me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me, but he couldn’t find the nerve while he was sober. I told him that I was leaving in the morning and to sober up and ask me. I have never seen him again, but I do think about him. My brother told me that after I moved Soldier called looking for me, but my brother told him it was too late and to move on. I wonder what happened to him.
The other love of my life was more recent and he broke my heart. Oh how he broke my heart. I was a mess. There was so much emotion surrounding that one. *Sigh*, That is a story for another blog. 🙂 Maybe tonight.
Those are broken hearts that I don’t know if it was better to have loved and lost. I think my life would be better if I had not loved and lost in the way that I did.
My mom… and now that I think about it my grandpa… Now those are people who the above quote makes sense. Both of them had a beautiful opportunity that sadly I don’t see enough of. They LOVED and they were LOVED back. My mom met a man who made her heart skip beats. She was giddy like a little girl when she met him. I will never forget her telling me about him. Later things progressed and they got married. I was gifted with an awesome sister out of their love. Times were not always easy for them, but they loved eachother and that made it appear easy. My grandfather met my grandmother when they were in school. High School I think. They were married forever! They were in love. Both my mom and my grandfather lost their loves in the physical sense. My mom’s love lost the battle with cancer and my grandfathers love had a stroke and, well… I can’t remember what actually took her life, but either way, she was no longer in his life physically.
Losing your true love. The love that lasted a lifetime. That is the love that it is better to have lost than to never have had at all. It would be tragic and hard to recover from. In fact, I am not sure you ever really do recover, you just adapt to it, but somehow… it seems better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.