Well, Prince Charming did not knock on my door yesterday. In fact, I didn’t even get anything from check in county, you know the ex’s that check in every now and again just to see if there is the slightest chance of an open door to feed their ego. That’s okay though, I was over that emotional need by the time I woke up. If he would have shown up, I would not have complained one bit, but as for now, I am back to being content in the process and the wait.
This whole waiting for the right one and not getting distracted by Mr. Right Now certainly is not as easy as one would think. It would be super easy to get into a relationship and waste time with Mr. Right Now, but what happens if I miss Mr. Right or have to delay settling down with Mr. Right because I am distracted by the counterfeit? I think it is that thought alone that keeps me from traveling down the rabbit hole. I watch and listen to some of my friends and co-workers who are justifying their filling a legitimate need/desire with a counterfeit and it really motivates me to wait and to keep safe guards like accountability with others in place.
I may not want to be single right now, but more than that I do not want to have the natural consequences of the wrong person. I have already been down that path too many times and I would like to believe that I have learned from my life experiences. Unnecessary broken hearts are not on my list of things to do. 🙂
In all honesty, I am feeling vulnerable right now and I do not like it. I feel like everything that I was so certain about has changed and everything that I thought was solid is not and the friends that I thought were great friends are not really people I can count on and the people who I have thought were acquaintances have been there when I most need it. I have discovered that I have “friends” when it is convenient for them, but when I am not able to offer what they want, they quickly turn elsewhere and suddenly I don’t hear from them anymore unless they need me. It is really not at all awesome. My best friend in the entire world lives in another state and has a life that is full. I would give just about anything to be able to fly out to where she is just to have lunch once a month. I need that. I am not sure what God is doing in my life, but there is definitely some serious change happening and it is far from comfortable. I will take the uncomfortable over the pain of straying from the right path any day though.
The vulnerability is what scares me. It is why I must have accountability in place. It is why I have to put it out there. If I don’t, I know right where I will be. I will be hanging out in check in county and I will be toying with the idea of a distraction in Mr. Right Now. I don’t want that. No rabbit holes for me. I do not want to take that ride. I want to pass this test and venture down the right path. I have been headed in the right direction for longer than I think I have before. This time it is far less of an effort than in the past since I am not relying on my own strength, but I would be lying if I said it is easy or that my mind does not go to the place of “well, I have bounced back before, I could do it again” or “God forgives and would totally understand. I wouldn’t play with fire for too long” or whatever lame random thought that comes my way when I am feeling vulnerable and emotionally needy. Not doing it. Pressing in to God. I am staying honest and open with my wonderful friend who is here. No detours this time. I don’t want them. I want right. I want good. I want the best. This princess wants prince charming not a counterfeit.
I am not sure that this post makes any sense. I am just rambling on with my random thoughts.