((Sigh)) Sometimes my heart just swells! It swells with a love that it indescribable. My children have this effect on me. When they wake up in the morning and I see them for the first time that day, my heart swells with joy and love. When they come home from their dads in the morning, my heart does this thing where it is SO FULL of love. When they cry, laugh, say a sweet thing, play kindly with each other and sometimes even when they fight, are whiny and less than what I want to see from them, my heart still swells. It is an indescribable feeling. Sometimes I don’t even know what to do with it because it is so overwhelming.
Today, Jesus had that affect on me. Honestly, Jesus has that affect on me often and it is a different kind of swelling. It is like a “I want to scream from the mountaintops and tell the whole world how COOL JESUS IS” kind of swelling. He just fills me up and puts people in my way to show me His love. I get such a thrill out of His nudging me to do something and then seeing the fruit of it. I felt nudged to do a couple of things today. In my head I went back and forth… should I or shouldn’t I, but ultimately I just felt like I should, so I did and you know what? I was totally blessed! It was amazing. One thing I did, it turned out that it was exactly what that person needed and was thinking about the need at the exact moment I did it and the other was just a random stop I made, but my conversation with another person at this place was such a blessing and completely wonderful!
Obviously, I want to meet my husband. I have been saying this for over a year now. I don’t know where it came from, but one day I woke up with this desire to meet him. It isn’t a random, hey I want to be married thought, it is like this burning desire. It isn’t a desperation, but a desire that is at the surface and isn’t going into hiding. I would like to say that I pray for my future husband daily, but I don’t. Not yet anyway, but I do pray for him. True love begins in the heart. My thoughts are planted in my heart, and I discovered tonight that I have no idea who my husband is, but I love him and I love him so much that there are things that God wants to work on that I keep saying “Nah, lets do this later”, but because I love my future husband I have made the choice to allow God to work and pull and heal these areas so that when I do meet my husband, there is a whole heart to work with. I don’t want to come with hurts and hang ups. I want my past to be a part of my testimony but not something that defines me. I am not my past but my past helped shape who I am today and it is beautiful! I love what has happened in my life. Even the not so glamorous things. They helped make me and I like me.
So tonight, I am praying that if my future husband doesn’t know Jesus, that they will meet. I am praying that he is surrounded with men who love him and speak truth and encouragement into his life. I pray for his heart that it is softened and open to hear from Jesus. I pray that he has a loving heart and that he is a gentle man. I pray that my future husband has a heart that swells with love and excitement Jesus and that he is praying for me.
Future Husband, I am so excited to meet you when our paths cross. I look forward to growing old with you, dreaming with you, and doing life with you!