As the princess continued to live in the different her that she had discovered, she found herself swaying back and forth between the new softer side and the strong, independent, nobody could hurt her side. The softer side was much more vulnerable, but she could feel so much. She could feel joy more abundantly than she had felt it in the past and she could feel pain and sorrow much deeper than she had ever felt pain and sorrow before. The strong side was temporarily more safe, but if the princess learned anything over the years, she had learned that the strong and untouchable side was just masking what would inevitably come out anyway and usually when it was most inconvenient. Feelings weren’t always respectful of what was going on in life and sometimes they came bursting out without permission. This journey of dragon slaying had taught her that it was better to deal with things head on than to create layers that would need to be undone at some point.
Over the last couple of weeks, the princess has found herself in a place of quiet. She hasn’t felt like socializing much. Mostly because she hasn’t felt like answering questions about the prince. She didn’t really have answers herself. Her heart felt some type of way, but it was not the way that people wanted to hear. Her friends wanted to hear that she had put the prince and the hope that came along with him on the shelf and was not looking back. They were under the impression that by doing so, she would be in a better place and it would open doors for her that could not be opened as long as the princess held onto the feelings that she had for him. That was not an easy thing, nor was it something she was convinced that she wanted to do. This has been years of feelings and putting feelings on the shelf. Every time the princess puts the feelings away and is able to lock them up, the prince comes out of hiding and along with that the feelings submerge stronger than they were the previous time. Putting the feelings on the shelf this time felt like it would have to be final. She could not live through another round of this. She wasn’t sure her heart would recover this time if she had to push aside everything that she had allowed herself to hope for and believe in.
Too many voices were playing in her head. It seemed like the few people who knew about the prince had something to say. The people who had been around over the years and knew the history were telling one story and hoped in the fairy tale that was bound to emerge if the princess could just keep a level head and wait it out, and the people who are new to the scene are not quite so optimistic. Stop feeling that way for him they say. Just move forward. Let him go. Why are you even entertaining him? There is more for you around the corner Princess. The people from the past hoped in the fairy tale for the princess and although they did not understand the power he has over her, they knew that it was there. They had seen it over the years and they were rooting for a happy ending because they loved the princess. The people who were new to the scene saw it completely different and wanted to see the princess follow the way of the king because they loved the princess. All of them had the princess in mind, but they had different perspectives and it was for this reason that the princess felt herself back away. She needed space and needed time to figure her heart out on her own.
How could some people be so certain that the king did not want Prince Houdini and Princess Looking For Love together? Why would that be so awful. The princess loves the prince and had since she met him. The princess often times found herself acting in a way that she would never act with any one else. She felt that she had permission to be herself with the prince. She felt safe, protected, loved, special and valued when she was with him. No matter what the circumstances were, everything went to the wayside when he came around. She knew it was foolish and she would tease any of her friends who acted that way with a prince, but she couldn’t help it. There was just something about that man. Something that filled her with hope and the promise of a future. She could be so tired of being alone and waiting and then he shows up and suddenly she would wait a lifetime if he asked her to. Foolish! The princess didn’t care though. She dared someone to make her feel different. She didn’t think it was possible. Over the years she would pray that the feelings would go away. They didn’t. She would pray that he would never come back so that she didn’t have to go through the torment of him leaving again. He always came back. She would pray that she would be strong enough to resist him or ignore him if he ever came knocking. She couldn’t. The princess was sure that she had prayed hard enough over the years and begged the King to help her remove the feelings she had, but it just never happened. They would dull in the shadows and the ache would go away, but the princess never stopped thinking about him and dreaming of a life with him. She would get so mad at herself sometimes and try everything to push thoughts of him out, but when she wasn’t consciously replacing the thoughts, dreams of the prince would creep back in uninvited. How was she supposed to move on.
The princess wasn’t sad or emotional, thoughts of the prince didn’t stop, slow down, or change her life, but they were always there. For now, the princess has chosen just to accept it and quit fighting them. She knows that one of two things will happen. The prince and the princess will have their happily ever after or the princess will one day just stop thinking about him.
The princess can’t help but to chuckle. Between the fortress and the forest, the princess had her feet on two different roads and she had to choose one. Some how on the other side of the forest, she finds herself standing on two roads again and eventually will have to pick one. She wonders if these are the same roads and if they both ran through the forest. She wonders if these roads will always meet up and if one day she will just keep going down the straight and narrow road without ever even setting foot on the dangerous road. Will the princess ever get to a place where the dangerous road isn’t even a roadblock, but something that just happens to hang out in the peripheral?