This morning! Oh my goodness, it did not go as it had planned at all! I am off of work this week and my kids don’t have school and I had a plan for the morning. In my mind, I was going to sleep until 8, wake up and have my coffee and relax before beginning the lovely cleaning process. I had already set the precedence that today was going to be a no TV day and that we were going to be productive in the morning before we had fun this afternoon. Ugh! EPIC MOM FAIL!!!!!!!!! I should have known that without Phineas and Ferb to babysit the kids I would never have a peaceful moment.
In my mind, my day went like this. Naturally wake up when my body wakes up (which is always before 8), lay in bed trolling through facebook and instagram, check my email, vox my sister and BFF and THEN get up. I imagined the house still being calm and quiet, making coffee, sitting down on my couch with the Christmas tree lights on, worship music in the background, read my bible, maybe blog and then start cleaning.
What my day really looked like… 6 am my son wakes up and begins to shake the bed in an attempt to wake me up. It is dark and I know I do not want to be up. I try my hardest to pretend I don’t notice but eventually I have to acknowledge his presence. He informs me that he has cleaned his room and wants to talk. Ugh… I love these moments, but seriously, can we wait until 8am? A few minutes later my other son comes in and jumps on the bed laughing and joyful. Of course this begins a game with the two boys wrestling and laughing. I am trying really hard to enjoy it, but really all I wanted to do was sleep. Enough was enough. I pretended to cry and begged the boys to let me just have until 8 am. That kind of worked until I heard the fighting, yelling and crying. Oh. My. Goodness! I am a patient mom, but for a moment I was NOT patient. Not even a little. I heard myself yelling for them to get in my room and when they got in there, I was very clear on my expectation for the morning. They quietly left the room and nicely played a game. Except that I wasn’t able to relax or go back to sleep. The guilt set in. I was not feeling any level of peace. Okay fine, I am getting up. I walk out of my room which turned out to be a major mistake. Immediately “mom. Mom. Mooooom. Mom, can I have some chocolate milk? Mom, can I have something to eat?” OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! I am yelling in my head again, but out of my mouth came “boys, I am so sorry I yelled. I was wrong. I am feeling impatient this morning, so if you want to have a good mom I need to spend some time with Jesus. If you want a yelling unkind mom, then lets just keep this up”. Out of my sweet 5 year old mouth comes “Mom, I really want some chocolate milk. Can you please get me some before you spend time with Jesus?” Of course that is exactly what I did, but for some reason that simple task was a challenge for me. My morning was nothing like what I thought it should look like!
Finally, I was given 20 minutes to read my bible and pray. Honestly it was not enough time. I really could have used much more, but God is so good. His grace is sufficient. He gives me what I need when I need it. He will bless that small amount of time with him. The boys and I were able to get the house and car cleaned up in a little over an hour with laughter and without any fighting. I needed that time. Of course things have not been perfect. There has been a lot more fighting among the kids and many challenges (and it is only 11am), but the beauty is that the boys, without my prompting, have chosen to spend their own time with Jesus when they realize that they are fighting too much and getting too frustrated.
At this moment I am writing and they are playing nicely. Laughing and enjoying each other. I am enjoying listening to them and so thankful that God is giving me this moment. I woke up with a choice. I could have allowed my day to run me and to have a day of frustration and annoyance. I almost allowed that to be my day, but instead… I chose to let Jesus have my day. I put my expectation aside and chose to be grateful for this day. No matter how it turns out. I chose to ask Jesus for peace, patience, joy, patience, patience, patience, oh and did I mention patience? The day is still early, who knows what the rest of the day will look like, but I know that every moment that begins to spiral out of control I will stop and ask God to to handle it and change the direction of my heart in that moment. If I forget to do that, my kids will for sure step in and remind me. They already have a few times this morning.
I will never get this moment or this day back. I don’t want to waste it with impatience and frustration. I don’t want to miss out on moments with my kids because it does not fit in with what I expected my day to look like. I wish I could say that I am excellent at seizing the day and embracing the moment, but that is not the case at all! Someday … hopefully!
How do you handle mornings that are different than you expect them to be? What do you do when the day seems to take control of you? How do you put yourself in check when you realize that you are not being the best parent that you can be?